The Overnight

Fan the Flames.

Posted by Hope Rising on April 22, 2018
Posted in: Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

download

 

 

Each year as I prepare to do the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk, I am blown away by the outpouring of support I receive. This year is the first time I am not walking as a Student (yay for finally graduating ) which meant that my fundraising minimum was $1000. To be honest I was so nervous about meeting my goal. I had even considered not walking, and only volunteering this year. But then the Walk cities were announced: Philadelphia and Dallas. Texas has become one of my favorite places to visit in recent year. Much of that is because of my personal experience 3 years ago in Dallas at the Overnight. I just knew I had to go back this year. I am celebrating 3 years of recovery, and have made so many strides in my personal and professional life. I wanted to celebrate that in the city where it all began.

We are only 37 days away from the Walk, and I have already met my goal and the donations are still pouring in. I don’t even know if I can put into words how grateful I am for all the support. I feel so blessed and grateful. I am so thankful for all the people who have joined me in financially supporting the efforts of the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention in working to address Mental Health and Suicide.

Seven years ago, when I signed up for my first  I was nervous about the fundraising. I knew that most people would be curious as to why I was interested in an event like this. And honestly, I was worried about sharing my story and being vulnerable. Shame and Stigma had told me for so many years that it was best to be silent about the things I struggled with. Outside of a few people in my inner circle, I had never spoken about my own experiences with depression, self harm and suicide attempts.

Over the years, through these amazing events I have found my voice. And even if it shakes, I find the courage to share my story. Because I truly believe that it can help open the door for others to get the help they need. I have been abundantly blessed to have so many caring people in my tribe who are always looking out for me. I believe my purpose in life is to be able to pay that forward.

As the years have gone by, I have been connected with so many individuals who share similar stories with me. I am thankful that others have found me to be someone they can turn to in a dark time. And I have been able to have open and honest conversations with my friends about living with mental health conditions. Seven years ago, I never envisioned that would be the case. As I strive to break down the stigma in my own life, I can see that trickling down into the lives of those around me. I believe that togeteher as we continue to be open and honest we can truly change the world and its perception of mental health conditions.

So, to each and every person who I have shared my story with, and has still welcomed me with open arms, I thank you. For the friends who are there in the latest hours of the night, in the darkest times of my life, I thank you. For those who constantly reach out to me, to tell me how proud they are of me, and how they believe in me, I thank you. For everyone who has supported me in this journey, I thank you.

Because it is so much more than just this journey of 18 miles. This is my life story. This is my passion. And every single person who sows into me, is fanning the flame within me. With my amazing support system behind me… I know I can do this. I know I can walk through the night, even if I have to fight my body to do so. I know that I can stand up and continue to be brave with my story. I know that I can continue to push forward and reach for my dreams. I know that I can continue to celebrate important milestones of recovery, and they are as important to me as they are to those who love me.

So thank you for being a part of this journey.
Not only for the Overnight.

The Journey of life.

I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for all of you.

For the stories still being written;

Posted by Hope Rising on May 20, 2017
Posted in: Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , . Leave a comment

images (2)

Tonight I will make a 16 mile journey called the Overnight Walk through the streets of San Diego from Sunset to Sunrise in the name of Suicide Prevention. I walk alongside countless others who carry the names and stories of loved ones they have lost to suicide.

My connection to the cause is birthed from my own struggle of depression, self harm, and suicide attempts. Tonight I walk for the ones who have felt like giving in to lies of depression. The thoughts that tell us that we are not worthy, the feelings like things will never get better, the nights that are just too difficult to get through.

Most days those thoughts are not there. But this is the reality of depression for me, those thoughts will come. And I fight like hell to push through them. Because I believe that my story is worth telling, and I believe my life is worth living even when it’s difficult. Even when everything in me hurts like hell. and I believe in fighting for the better days. Because my God are they worth it.Even though I live with depression, I live a full and amazing life. and I don’t ever want to try to throw it away ever again.

I am living a story. I will NOT give up. _TWLOHA

So tonight I walk for the brave soul facing the hard battle. For those who live with mental illness, who sometimes struggle to find the strength just to get through the day. For those who choose to walk the road of recovery as difficult as it gets sometimes. For those who struggle to find the light in the darkness. I walk for you because I have been there too. I walk to tell you that you are never alone. I walk you to tell you that there are in fact better days ahead. I walk to tell you that there is a community here who loves you and cares whether you live or die. I walk to tell you, that on the hard days you can reach out and we will come running.I walk to tell you that you NEVER have to be ashamed of your story, no matter what it looks like. We are here for you. I walk so that you do not have to walk this road alone.

I walk for all the stories daring to be written.

There is so much life ahead to be lived. and I want to join you in the fight to get there. Because it is worth it.

YOU ARE WORTH THIS LIFE.
PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP.
YOU MATTER.
YOU ARE LOVED.
YOU ARE NEEDED HERE.

download

Connected with a Purpose.

Posted by Hope Rising on May 20, 2017
Posted in: Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a comment

Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, its what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, an without it there is suffering.
~Brene Brown- Daring Greatly

 

When I reflect on this quote, I reflect on my life and the truth held within these words. My life has changed exponentially over the last 5 years, and much of that is because the connections I have fostered in my life. Connections birthed from a place of being vulnerable, and allowing others to walk in my pain with me, so that I could find my way through it.

Tonight I will once again join a group of people who have impacted my life. Tonight we join together to walk through the night to shine a light on suicide. To share our stories of loss and heartache in the hopes that it will help others to get help. To raise money so that programs can continue to be developed to help the hurting in their time of need.

Last night I shared dinner with an amazing group of women who are standing together bravely in the face of their losses, and have rallied together to make a difference. And though I have never met most of these women before, they welcomed me with open arms. The community fostered through the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the Overnight Walk, is so much more… it is a family. Sitting at that table last night, sharing laughter and tears, I truly felt the weight of that truth.

Vulnerability is the core , the heart the center of meaningful human experiences 
~ Brene Brown

This community is rooted in vulnerability, in compassion and the belief that we are stronger together. And I have seen the fruits of that in my own life. Two years ago  in Dallas, I dared to be brave and give a voice to my story in a much larger scale than I ever had before. As I stood on the stage, holding my green honor beads in my hand, my story of depression, self harm and suicide attempts was being shared through the loud speaker. It was uncomfortable, and it was nerve wracking, but it was freeing. And that moment of vulnerability allowed me to let down my guard and accept the love, compassion countless words of encouragement and hugs from the community.

And I knew, for certain, we are in this TOGETHER. and it is beautiful.

This community has pushed me out of my place of comfort and given me the strength to turn my life and my story into something that I am proud of and will also help to save lives. I am beyond grateful for the kindhearted and brave souls that make up the AFSP community.

I am proud to walk alongside these brave-hearted individuals tonight as we walk through the streets of San Diego.

images (1)

Update: The Overnight 2017 Fundraising

Posted by Hope Rising on March 24, 2017
Posted in: Fundraising, Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , . Leave a comment

On May 20th, 2017 I will embark on a journey of 16 miles through the streets of San Diego from sunset to sunrise. This is meant to symbolize bringing the issues of suicide and mental health conditions Out of the Darkness and into the light of day. This event aims to break down the stigma that is so often entangled with these subjects. This year will be the 5th time that I take this journey through the night.

To learn more about this event: Click Here

When we register for the Overnight Walk for Suicide Prevention  each walker pledges to raise a minimum of $1000 ($700 for students and military)This allows us to make a great impact and raise the much needed funds for the important work ahead of us. Every year suicide claims more lives than war, murder, and natural disasters combined, and yet suicide prevention doesn’t get anywhere near the funding given to other leading causes of death.

So when you support me and the many other walkers in this event, we unite together to truly create a world without suicide. Every donation helps to fund research for Suicide Prevention, Create and distributed education programs, advocate for public policy and support those affected by suicide. There are only 58 days until the Event, and I have met 57% of my minimum fundraising goal. I am so thankful for the donations that have already come in because it is a tangible way that I am helping to use my own story to help others.

I am alive and thriving. I have the freedom to share my story and challenge shame and stigma. I have the chance to use my past experience to help another person in their time of need. I have the ability to help fund projects that may save a person when they need it most. For me there is no better way to embrace my own life, than help another person do the same.

That is why I walk every year. And I need your help to do it again this year.
Only $300 left to raise to meet my minimum , I have a personal goal of $1000 for the event this year. Please consider joining me in the fight against suicide and offering hope to those in need.

http://www.theovernight.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=widgets.200x420thermo&participantID=20951

 

13108_AFSP_SPW_SocialGraphic_B_d2-1

Help me Fight Suicide 

Posted by Hope Rising on February 23, 2017
Posted in: Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Dear Friends and Family,
As many of you know each year I participate in The Out of the Darkness Overnight for Suicide Prevention. This year I will be traveling to San Diego for my 5th Walk. This event is so important to me for so many reasons. As a Mental Health Counselor, I wholeheartedly stand behind the outreach and projects funded by the money raised such as :educational programs that help teachers and fellow students identify the signs of depression and suicidal behavior in high schools, training for field advocacy to fight for suicide prevention in legislation, training for facilitators to lead grief support groups for survivors of suicide loss, and implementing an Interactive Screening Program for College campuses.

However, this event is much more personal for me. I have struggled with depression, self injury, and suicidal thoughts for more than a decade. If it wasn’t for safe spaces like those offered by The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and To Write Love on Her Arms, I might have continued to suffer in silence. I learned the importance of sharing my story, I learned that it was a sign of strength not weakness to get help. And most importantly I learned that my past did not have to stifle my dreams for my future, instead it has actually fueled them and pushed me to make them a reality.
This year it is important for me to walk because I feel like it is a celebration and culmination of my experiences. This year I celebrated 2 years free from self injury, this year I can honestly say I am free from my ED behaviors, this year I am going to graduate with my Masters in Mental Health Counseling, and I am FINALLY getting to work in my field. It is a year of so many accomplishments for me, and I just want to be able to give back. For me that means raising the money that will help to save lives, the same way it saved my life.

So I am asking for your help once again. To get me to San Diego. To help me raise $1000. Even a small donation of $10 or $20 can go a long way if we all gather together. Your support means so much to me. These events have changed my life in more ways than I can even share.
To DONATE for the 2017 Overnight Walk

The 2017 Overnight Walk for Suicide Prevention

Posted by Hope Rising on February 3, 2017
Posted in: Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

This year I will be traveling to San Diego, California to participate in my 5th Overnight Walk for Suicide Prevention.

The Overnight Walk is a 16-18 mile walk that takes place each year beginning at sunset and going through the night until the sunrise. This is meant to symbolize bringing the issues of suicide and mental health conditions Out of the Darkness and into the light of day. This event aims to break down the stigma that is so often entangled with these subjects.

The Overnight Walk creates a safe space for those who have lost someone they love to suicide to grieve together and celebrate the memory of their loved ones. And for other participants, like myself, who struggle with mental health conditions, it is a safe place to not only share our stories of hope, but to find warmth, love and compassion in the arms of others who understand. It a safe place to create a conversation that will go far beyond ourselves, and save lives by breaking the silence.

Many of us have struggled in the darkness for so long, because we have been told that suicide, addiction, and mental health conditions are not be spoken about. And we have had to carry the burden alone for a long time. But it is through the Overnight Walk that we allow ourselves the freedom to raise our voice, to crack through the silence of the night, and call attention to the bigger picture.

Talking about suicide, saves lives. By breaking walls of the things that we are not “supposed to talk about”, we allow those who are in the deepest pain to reach out to us when it is most needed. And we allow ourselves to step into those dark situations and offer hope, even when others may not feel it. WE are a safe haven, and we want to extend that compassion and hope to the communities and individuals we encounter on a daily basis. Whether it is our closest friend, or a stranger on the commute to work, we aim to be the connection that keep someone from the brink of life and death.

As I continue to prepare for this year’s event, I will continue to share my connection to the cause. I ask that you watch the video down below to understand just how impacting this event is to those of who participate in it.

If you would like to donate this event and support me in my own journey of overcoming the darkness please click here: 2017 Overnight Walk Fundraising Page 

The Overnight 2016

Posted by Hope Rising on June 28, 2016
Posted in: Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a comment

And I will stay up through the night
And let’s be clear, won’t close my eyes
And I know that I can survive
I’ll walk through fire to save my life
Sia- Elastic Heart

June 4th, 2016 I completed my 4th Overnight Walk for Suicide Prevention. It was probably the most difficult one for me to date. Emotionally and physically, there were so many times I wanted to quit, but I had to convince my body keep fighting, to keep pushing through and make it to the end. Because I knew deep down inside that this year’s journey was so much more than about the miles that I would tackle. It was about breakthrough. It was about facing the things I did not want to face, feeling the emotions I have tucked away in the recesses of my mind because I was afraid they would break me. I knew that if I could face my fears, I could finally put the past behind me.

I could have given up. I could have decided that my body deserved a break. I could have decided that pain was going to win the fight. I could have decided to push the past under the rug where it had been hiding for years.

But I chose to fight.
I chose to walk through the fire.
To face my past.
To face everything that has been done to me.
and everything I have done  to myself in return.
To be honest about the path it has taken me to get to this place.

 

8 miles in and I had to face the past. On the Brooklyn Bridge.
Pain came in waves. In images. and grief that landed like a sucker punch to my chest.
What brought the most pain was seeing a life that had been turned into something so hopeless and so hidden from the outside world. Hidden behind smiles, and rehearsed responses. Trying to be brave when the thought of falling apart consumed every waking moment. A life bearing physical and emotional scars that were continually being reopened.

I do not wish that life on anyone.

But that life, I do not live it anymore.
That life was no life at all.

Because I am worth recovery.
I am worth feeling whole.
I am worth the fight to snatch back every ounce of myself that has been stolen by the words and the actions of others.
I am worth the power of redemption.
I am worth a second chance at life.

So i left it behind.
And I chose to chase after freedom.

And the most beautiful part of it all was that I never had to face any of it alone.
I was surrounded by community. Surrounded by friends, who have felt like I have felt at one time or another. Surrounded by warriors, who were taking back their lives just like I was. Surrounded by families and friends who were turning pain into something positive and beautiful, as I aspire to do.

This year I needed them. And they did not let me down.

20160604_180030

 

In the city that I love….

Posted by Hope Rising on June 10, 2016
Posted in: Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , . 1 Comment

…the city that holds so much pain.

260311_667846798048_5271882_nAnyone who knows me, knows how deeply I love the city of my birth. I spend so much time exploring its hidden treasures, my heart beat syncing in time with the sounds of Manhattan. There have been places I have been scared to face, because they hold too many memories, and far too much pain. Places that at one point in my life were landmarks  of my heart, where the most significant moments of my life occurred.

On the shores of the East River, I learned about love and serenity, & about pain and regret. And high above the water, when there was no hope left inside my bones, I contemplated ending my life.

I have been running, and avoiding for so long. I knew the day would come when I had to go back. When I had to yank those places from the pit of despair that they had become for me, and reclaim them as beautiful parts of this city that I love.

On June 4th, that day came.
I wasn’t prepared for how much it would hurt.

When i signed up for this years Overnight Walk for Suicide Prevention in NYC, I knew there was a chance the route would take me through the places I didn’t think I was ready to face.

As I stepped onto the Brooklyn bridge for the first time in 4 years, every part of me wanted to run the other way. With every step, the thoughts raced through my mind of the last time I was there. Every conversation, every fight, every act of betrayal came rushing back in as if I was feeling it for the first time. I couldn’t breathe.. I wanted to turn back..but I knew I had to keep moving forward.

When I finally stopped, and looked out over the water, I knew I had to let it go.

I felt so many things in those few moments standing on the bridge,it felt like it had been an eternity. Through the flood of emotions and images, I chose to rewrite the story. This time I wasn’t going to let it break me. This time I was going to leave the pain in the past where it belongs, and move on from it.

I could have faced it all alone. But the beauty of the life that I have been given, is that I didn’t have to. What better place to face the battles and demons of the past than with a group of people who understand. I stood there in my pain and my grief, and allowed my friends to support me through it. Friends that have  known the great pain of my past decision, because they too have been there.

And I as continued walking across the bridge, it was as if the chains of the past had fallen off of me and into the deep dark water below never to be seen again.

And I was released.
Walking freely into the next step of recovery.

We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. ~ John Green

 

 

In this together

Posted by Hope Rising on June 3, 2016
Posted in: Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , , . 1 Comment

image

The hardest part of walking the road of recovery, for me, was trying to navigate how to live out my truth while being authentic and transparent with those around me. There is always that feeling in the pit of my stomach that once I share my story people will see me differently. This is the reason why so much of the work that I do is aimed at breaking down the stigma and shame surrounding mental illness. Those of us who struggle with mental health issues are not any less worthy of authentic relationships.

There is something to be said about finding a place in the world where you can feel accepted, loved, and appreciated for being exactly who you are. Without the need to sugar coat your life, to make those around you comfortable, there is freedom in being bold with your truth. I am so much more than a mental illness and an addiction, so much more than just  a person walking through recovery.

And I thank God for the Out of the Darkness Community, because I truly feel like I have found my safe place in the world. Five years ago, I started my first journey with the Overnight Walk, and this whole new world opened up for me. In the space of 18 miles, strangers become friends, stories become woven together, and hope is renewed.

It has always been a struggle for me to let down my walls, I am usually very shy at first, but when I am at an Out of the Darkness event, that all falls away. I know that there are others in the crowd with stories that look like mine, and others that do not, but I know we are all united for a cause greater than ourselves.

Last year I arrived in Dallas alone and by the end of the weekend I had connected with so many beautiful souls. This last month has been so full of life, because I have been sharing it with the friends I made last year. I cannot even put into words what these friendships mean to me. And believe me when I say that I feel abundantly blessed to know these amazing people.

To my amazing friends, thank you for letting me be a part of your life and story as much as you are a part of mine. Thank you for allowing me to be the most authentic version of myself possible. Thank you for all the laughs that make me feel like I will never be sad again. Thank you for the adventures and memories that we have been creating. Thank you for creating a safe space in this world for me. Life hasn’t always been easy, and friendships haven’t always been real, but I know that with all of you, and this community, this is as real as it gets.

We are in this together.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

What your donation can do.

Posted by Hope Rising on June 2, 2016
Posted in: Fundraising, Mental Health, The Overnight. Tagged: , , . Leave a comment

image

I full heartedly support all the efforts of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and by supporting me in this journey you are helping to change the world.
Look at what AFSP can do with the money you raise.

EVERY $10 – Distributes one Depression and Bipolar Awareness educational program (DVD).
EVERY $50 – Provides AFSP educational materials to 25 people. If just one person seeks help after reading these materials, a life could be saved for less than the cost of dinner and a movie.
EVERY $100 – Covers the cost of More Than Sad: Suicide Prevention and Education for Teachers and Other School Personnel (DVD and supporting program).
EVERY $250 – Enables AFSP to recruit and train a volunteer field advocate who can then educate Federal, State and local elected officials about suicide prevention.
EVERY $500 – Trains a new Survivor of Suicide support group facilitator. Each new group assists newly bereaved survivors and helps them see that they are not alone.
EVERY $1,000 – Combined with $1,000 from 7 other walkers, develops an educational product for individuals and families to use as a resource for people who have been suicidal or had a recent suicide attempt
EVERY $2,500 – Funds a year of research into the genetic, biological or behavioral factors that contribute to suicide when added to $2,500 from 17 other walkers. The number of lives potentially saved by this research is incalculable.
EVERY $5,000 – Places AFSP’s groundbreaking Interactive Screening Program (ISP) at a college or university. By proactively engaging those in need, the ISP supports student mental health and helps create a culture that recognizes that stress and depression are common and treatable problems in today’s world. Every dollar you raise will help you save a life.

Together we can create a world without suicide.