Tonight we prepare to say goodbye to the old year and ring in a new one, with hopeful eyes and happy hearts, and wishes that no matter if the year before was good or bad, the next one would be better.
Tonight I find myself torn between the highs and the lows. It is a familiar place, but one I will not let myself embrace. I have spent far too long giving in to the negative thoughts, giving in to the what ifs, and wondering why life doesn’t always turn out the way we have planned. But I have ended that cycle of defeat and I won’t allow it to take me hostage ever again. Why should I look back and only see the things that have hurt me, the things that have shaken me, and things that have nearly destroyed me? I look not at the negative, because I know that for every situation, every stumbling block, every fork in the road….there has a been a purpose, a lesson, and a blessing.
So tonight, I CHOOSE not to sit here with a heavy heart, instead I choose the beautiful things. This year has been a journey of discovery and rediscovery, finding parts of myself, that I had lost long ago…and finding parts of myself I never even knew I had.
This has been a year of accomplishments I could have never ever imagined. And it was all because of God in my life, and the people He has surrounded me with. This year has challenged me, and instead of trying to crawl back into a hole, and wait till things destroyed me..I decided to take a stand. I decided to speak out for myself, to let people in and know that I was hurting so that Icould finally find healing. And I spoke out for others because I believe in the power of the comfort of one hurting heart reaching out to another. I have become more active and more vocal in my own fight of recovery, as well as helping others reach their “other side”
This year I Raised close to $2000 for the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. This money will be poured into prevention efforts for schools and teachers, it will help train counselors that will help families as they grieve and heal after a suicide, it will fund research that can help save lives. And for that I am proud of the support I have received from friends, family, and even strangers. It gives me hope that we will be able to touch enough people whether to support the cause, or get help if they are struggling…and maybe one day…suicide will be a thing of the past.
This year I Completed an 18 mile and 5 mile walk for AFSP in the summer and fall.
18 miles overnight was not an easy feat….but i had people cheering me on and pushing me to reach that finish line, because it meant so much to me. I was touched by all the stories I heard before and after the walks, and it truly is an inspirational and heartbreaking experience. My experience. NY1 interview AFSP 2012 Promo
3. This year I have taken the step become more active in preventing suicide. This year I became a counselor for an online suicide prevention organization called IMalive through To Write Love on Her Arms. I am still in training, but knowing one day very soon I will be helping people in a real and tangible way is more than I could have ever asked for.
4.This year I was given the opportunity to share some of my story, and bring light to the topic of Latinas and suicide, and I was featured in an article in the Daily News. It was such an exhilarating yet nerve wracking experience for me, because I know not everyone supports my decision to speak up about my past and my struggles. But I take a stand because I believe if my story can help even just one person..it was well worth it. Read Here
5. This year I have walked the journey of healing and recovery. I have triumphed over depression, I have broken an addiction of severe self injury, and I have ignored the thoughts of suicide until i couldn’t hear them anymore. As i walk into the new year I have 7 months of freedom behind me. To some that may not be much, but to me its everything. Every day is a reminder of far I have come in such a short time. Recovery is not easy. You just have to take it one day and one step at a time and before you know it you will look back and not realize how far behind you it is. This is my story.
2012 is new year. A new start. A new Life. A new Me. Because HE makes me new. So i will embrace the beautiful things that He wants to do with me, and wherever he wants to take me, and whatever lessons and blessings He has for me through the trials. I am in HIS hands.