I want you to never forget how alive you feel right at this moment.
I want you to embrace how full and amazing this life is.
I want you to remember the nights of laughter that makes your body ache in the most wonderful of ways.
I want you to remember how it feels to be surrounded by people who know your story and love you.
Not in spite of it, but because of it.
You are surrounded by people who see the strength and the passion that is inside you. They are the ones who see the phoenix you have always believed yourself to be.
They do not hide from the dark parts, the sad days and the times you feel like giving up. They love you right through it, until you can feel the sunshine again.
I want you to remember the exhilaration and wonder that flows through your veins each time you embark on a new adventure.
I want you to remember the feeling of embracing your body in the mirror and smiling. Because even though it isn’t perfect, it is strong where it needs to be.
And the softness means you have allowed yourself to live.
You have stopped letting food control you.
The number on the scale is no longer your master.
I want you to embrace the skin that has not seen a razor used as a weapon in over a year.
If EVER there comes a day that the darkness wants to settle on your heart. I beg you to remember. Right now you are living your best life possible, the fullest life you have ever had on your 29 years on earth. and that came after. after the darkness. after the addictions. after the days that seemed just so hard you wanted them to end. But you fought. You fought for the life you have right now , and my goodness is it worth it. I hope you never forget. Even if the dark days creep back in. I want you to remember just how good life can be.
Never give up on it.
The darkness passes.
You are strong enough to conquer it.
You have already proven that.
Right now you are living the life you always dreamed you could have.
Never forget that it is possible.
Do not wage war on your body for it has carried you this far.
Always have hope.
Tonight in San Francisco thousands will gather for suicide prevention through the overnight walk. Together stories and lives join together to make a difference. For many who embark on this journey through the night there is a burden on their heart of a life gone too soon. As they walk the 18 miles through the night they carry the name and the memory of their loved one with them.
For many this is a very difficult journey…emotionally and physically but they take the steps in the right direction to turn their own grief into hope for others. Every walker pledges to raise a minimum of $1000. This money helps to aid in research for suicide prevention, fund resources and outreach for those in need and creates support groups for families who have recently experienced a suicide.
The reach of this event goes far beyond the 18 miles and the impact is felt for more than just one night.
Join me in supporting those who take this journey into the night.
Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk for suicide prevention.
The music of The Gaslight Anthem, has been the soundtrack to my life over the last few years. Through the road of recovery, the comfort I found in the lyrics, gave me the strength and hope to keep moving forward.
The music has been a part of my story through the hardest days and the best days of my life.
In some ways I really do believe that the music saved my life.
When depression was too heavy and hard to handle, the music soothed me,
When heartbreak came time and time again, I put on the records, knowing that someone else had gone through the same things that I was feeling.
In the song Handwritten Brian Fallon writes:
“There’s nothing like another soul that’s been cut up the same.”
There is power in that. Knowing you are not alone in your journey, that others have walked it before you, and others will come after you. You all the share the same binding tie…we are all human, we all hurt…but at some point…we all overcome. and we emerge…victorious.
Renewed. Restored. Stronger than we thought we could be.
The trials we face, are only the preface to the greatest story we are writing with our lives.
I chose to have this lyric tattooed on me, because I needed the reminder that there IS something greater within me.
on the hard days of recovery when I don’t want to look in the mirror, I will remember that it is not what is on the outside that matters, it is the fire and the magic that lies in my bones. It is the strength that has gotten me this far, carried me through the storms., and kept me alive when I wanted to die. On the days when my heart hurts and weighs so heavy, i will remember that it has healed before. when nights falls, and sleep eludes me, and I’m left with thoughts of ache and regret… when i want to run to old comforts to quell the ache within me, something greater lies there as well.
The magic in my soul…
It is HOPE.
For me there is a magic that is in the air once May comes around. This year, there is also a chill, but that doesn’t change anything for me. The month of May used to have many dates that were important to me, and over the years those dates have caused quite a bit of heartache.
But one thing that can never be changed is the fact that May is the month of my birth. And over the last few years I have been able to really cherish what that means for me. I get so excited during this time, because for me it means continuing the story, writing another chapter in the book of my life. And that really excites me because for so long I never envisioned a future for myself. Being in recovery, and learning through this process has truly given me my life back, and transformed into a better life than I could have ever imagined for myself.
So HELLO MAY.
I welcome you with open arms, a full heart, and an expectant spirit.