Tonight I feel beautiful.
I feel confident.
I feel strong.
But most importantly I feel healthy.
The road of these last two years of recovery has not been an easy one in any way. But it has been worth it, to stand on the edge of this important night feeling the way I feel, I knowing that against all odds I have made it out alive. I am stronger than I have every been, and I am living out my truth and pursuing my dreams.
Tonight I will be surrounded by friends who have become like family. Relationships fostered through honesty and transparency. I let go of the fear of letting others in.
They have seen me through my worst and my best days and are still by my side.
My story has not caused them to run away and judge me.
My recovery is a personal journey, that only I can control. But that does not mean it is something I have to do alone. These last 2 years of recovery have been significantly different from the past 16 years of living with depression, eating disorders and self harm addiction. And I know it is in large part attributed to the community I now have surrounded myself with. For many years I was isolated, hiding behind a smile and rehearsed words, believing that i had to be the “strong one”. Believing that just ignoring the problem would allow it to get better. That is why I am so blessed to have people in my life now who are walking the same journey. Taking back their lives, making the decision to be brave and honest about what they are going through. And I am thankful for the ones who have never been in my shoes, but try their best to understand and offer me acceptance, kind words and a hug. Even when depression wants me to believe I am alone in my pain I know that is the furthest thing from the truth, because I have been living it out in the last two years.Community helped to get me this far. There is power in allowing others to be a part of your story.
Tonight I return to the place where I thought my world fell apart. A place that has held much pain and anxiety in years past. But tonight I know that I can enter with held held high, grace on my lips and joy in my heart. I am no longer that brokenhearted person who wanted to throw it all away.
I am in love with my life and everything in it.
I have to strength to weather the highs and the lows.
The Hope that was ignited within me, has set me on fire with passion.
I am a wildfire.
Nothing can hold me back.
Nothing can keep me from reaching the life I have always dreamed of.
These last two years have been proof of that, and I am ready for a lifetime more.