One of the hardest things was learning I was worth recovery,” “And I’m allowed to celebrate it, which is a great feeling.” – Demi Lovato
This quote almost exactly sums up how I feel. When you have been struggling with anything for more than 10 years, its hard to believe that you will ever see a day when it isn’t part of your life. The battle in my mind is something that has been so difficult to overcome.
Sometimes being fully recovered seems so far away and so daunting that you think you can’t get there..
But Recovery is a journey…and not everyone experiences it the same way. It is not a static point on a map that determines whether you are fully recovered or not. Some days are better than others. Even through the pain, the disappointment and the sheer feeling that maybe you can’t do this… you find a day when you are able to pick up your head and remember how to breathe again… and you pick up the pieces and you move forward…in whatever way that may be.
For some it means embracing those who have supported you, removing the things that have hindered you, and forgiving those who have hurt you…jumping into life a changed person. That may mean carrying battle scars on your heart, mind and body, but those scars remind who you were and who you never want to be again.
I have learned instead to not look at the looming path of the future, but to celebrate the small steps of accomplishments along the way. And for some time I believed that it didn’t mean anything and I couldn’t do that. But i have learned that for me that is most important part of my recovery. Because when I am feeling low or lost, i look back and see just how far I have come, and I don’t want to lose it all and start over… so i make a CHOICE that no matter how I am feeling… I will move forward.. because the days ahead are better than those left behind.
This month I am celebrating the milestone in my life of being 10 months free of self injury. And I won’t let anyone or anything take that away from me. If i dwell on the comments about how I failed and barely have a year of recovery… it could destroy me. But 10 months is an amazing feeling and I am proud of that.
Recovery is a journey… and it feels long at times… but one day we will all be able to look back and see how far we have come, how many demons we have conquered and how strong and happy we are… and it will all be worth it.
So let’s celebrate our recovery…wherever we are today.