…and this is mine
When I look at this picture a range of emotions rushes through me. I can get caught up in the beauty of how the sun is setting over this beautiful city, and how the light was just perfect and I had to capture it.
But I will never forget the story behind this picture. This picture was taken on one of the darkest days of my life. I was questioning everything around me, and just being destroyed by the situation that I was in. I had no hope for the future I couldn’t see past tonight. My heart was shattered and I was weak mentally and physically. I didn’t know how I was ever going to move forward in my life, if it was even possible for me now.
That night I decided to take a walk to clear my mind, and just get away from the things that were tearing me apart. As I got to the Brooklyn Promenade I sat on one of the benches just as the sun was setting over the city. I tried to take in the beauty of what I was seeing, but the tears would not stop flowing. There was a pain in me that I know I could not control, and a pain that I feared I would never get away from. It was in that moment that the unthinkable came into my head. I didn’t have a plan, but I had let that terrible thought creep into my head. I was in so much emotional pain that I believed the only way to end it was to end my life. And I just sat on the promenade for hours until there was no light left in the sky, but the light of the moon. And as I sat there, it was almost as if that thought had consumed me. At any moment I could have taken matters into my own hands.
But right at that moment, it was as if God was prompting someone to think of me. I received a text that just reminded me of how much I am loved and cared for. It reminded me that even though I was torn down, there were people who loved me who were praying for me to be restored and made whole. And in that moment, a simple text became my beacon of HOPE. The pain didn’t go away, but I knew I couldn’t just let it overtake me. I had to fight for my life, and get help because I wasn’t going to be able to do it alone.
It is symbolic and beautiful to me that this years Out of the Darkness Overnight will begin in Downtown Brooklyn and take us through the brownstones of Brooklyn Heights, and eventually over the Brooklyn Promenade and Brooklyn Bridge. For me it is important to return to that place, to take in the beauty that I saw that night, and to remember that there is HOPE for a better future. These 18 miles are symbolic of my own Journey through depression and healing. So it is only fitting for me to begin at the place where it almost ended. I am hopeful for what is to come for the future. I know I am not, and never will be alone in my fight to overcome.