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All posts for the month May, 2011

LOVE is the movement.

Posted by Hope Rising on May 31, 2011
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Romans 5:3-5 … “But we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And Hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy spirit, who has been given to us.”

In the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower the writer says: “But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where to go from there.” When I read that it struck a chord in me. The past is something we cannot change, but we can choose how much we let it affect us, good or bad. Someone once told me that my trials and my tribulations and all the struggles I had faced up to that point in my life were my source of passion, resiliency and strength. Back then I could not believe those words, they seemed to be mocking me. I believed the cycle I was living would be the one I lived for my entire life.

But now I have passed through the storm and I am standing on the other side, more hopeful than I have ever been. I am still young, but I have grown a lot in 10 years. And I can look back on all the trials that I have faced in my life and say that I am thankful for them. I am thankful for the lessons they taught me, the strength they gave me, and the courage to be part of something greater than myself. I do not regret anything, because I believe everything that has come into my life was for a reason. It all has a purpose in my calling and in my future.

One amazing organization has proved to me that you don’t have to be perfect to change the world. Your life can seem to be in shambles, yet, if your heart is in the right place, amazing things can happen. To Write Love on Her Arms has been more than an inspiration to me on so many levels. I see myself in Renee’s story in so many ways, and when I read it, I reminded that there were people who were fighting and praying for me, just like they were for her. And even when I felt alone, and discouraged and fell back into all the same traps, I knew that in the end, the same HOPE that was alive for her was there for me. And now that I have put that part of my life behind me, TWLOHA is inspiring me in a whole new way. I know that I am called to help others who have gone through many of the same things as I have. Seeing them go out there and touch so many people, and save so many lives, makes me want to go out and do the same. No one’s life is perfect and even in their trials they still continue to move forward and help the broken.

This organization is very dear to my heart, and I truly and whole heartedly support them. They are offering hope and changing lives. It’s amazing to see so many people come together for such a purpose. I was once broken and shattered, and sometimes I feel those cracks starting to form, but I just look at their page and I reminded that “THERE IS HOPE. RESCUE IS POSSIBLE. LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT”

Their love for others has ignited a fire in me, and also reminds me of the love that is out there for me. Love surely is the movement. I’ve seen what it can do in my life. All the pain, guilt and anger of my past have been replaced with love. Love that I have finally learned to give to myself, and love that I have also learned to let in from the outside.It took a lot for me to get here, and I don’t want to go back. As far as I am concerned there is nothing to go back to. This is my beginning, my road only moves forward from here.

That is why I chose to form the TWLOHA supporters Team for the Out of the Darkness Overnight. They have been such an inspiration in my life, and I am proud to wear the words To Write Love on Her Arms. Because this is my story. My scars are there but the pain that was attached them, I have learned to replace with thoughts of LOVE, thoughts of the people who helped me get through it & who loved me when I thought I was unlovable. I am reminded that there is a God who will never turn away from me, who welcome me with loving arms each time i fall and ask for forgiveness. The world looks at my scars and judges me for them, but I want to tell them that I am not weak, I am stronger now because of what I went through. I am not ashamed of who I was and what I went through because it was through those experiences that I learned how to love: myself and those around me. Don’t ever judge a person by what you see on the outside, because you never know the road they are walking.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. NIV… I CORINTHIANS 13: 4-13

A story of hope and healing

Posted by Hope Rising on May 23, 2011
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A few days ago I came across an article in a magazine that spoke about a serious issue. The interview was with teen star Demi Lovato after she had been released from a treatment facility as a result of her “emotional issues.” I was very touched by her bravery and her honesty as she came forth with her struggle with eating disorders, bipolar disorder and self-injury. She didn’t have to put her life out there for the whole world to see, she didn’t have to speak about the things that have brought her so much pain. But she did, and for that I commend her. By coming out of hiding with her issues she is allowing honest conversations to take place. She is taking responsibility for her actions, but also showing others who are struggling that it is ok to get help.

For so many years she hid behind that shadow of darkness and shame, afraid to say what was really going on because she had so much to lose. She hid the cuts on her arms, she hid her eating habits she hid everything she was feeling even from those who cared about her the most. She knew that if she came out and admitted what she was struggling with her career would go down the drain. She eventually knew that she had no where left to turn, but to get up and give up everything she had worked so hard for. She had come to the point where her life was more important than her career. She finally sought help and checked into a treatment

But it shouldn’t have to be this way. We shouldn’t have to live our lives in fear of being “found out.” If we need help we should be able to seek it freely without recourse from the world around us. The fear and shame that our world tries to instill in us creates a more damaging environment than the illness in and of itself. The more we hide the more damage we are doing to ourselves, and the less likely we are to seek help until it may be too late.

I am happy for Demi as she takes the steps to get her life back in control, even if that means stepping out of the limelight. I am happy that she sought help, and I am happy that she can now speak freely about her life in order to bring hope to others. I admire her bravery and honesty.

This is why I am walking in the Overnight: To bring these issues out of the darkness and to create an environment where we can talk openly and honestly about these issues. We want to be able to reach out our hands for help without fear of stigma or shame, and we want to freely share our stories of hope and healing.

There will be a day

Posted by Hope Rising on May 19, 2011
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This message is for all the brokenhearted, and all those who are struggling. I just want to tell you… YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE LOVED…Just HOLD ON.

This life is not easy we will all face trials and tribulations, some more than others. And sometimes we can get so lost and bogged down in those things that we don’t see a way out. And sometimes we decide that the only way out is to make one for ourselves. But as I have heard it said many times, “Suicide is a permanent solution to the temporary problems of this world.” No matter how long you have been suffering, I assure you with the right help and the right support systems and the love of those around you, there will be a break in the clouds. Life may not be perfect, life may be hard, but when you have someone by your side…a counselor, a friend, a clergyman…you can get through it.

We were not meant to walk this earth alone, nor are we expected to get through all the difficulties that come our way on our strength. We need help, we need to learn how to lean on others. It is not a sign of weakness…it is part of our nature we are social creatures.

So I urge you, if you feel the darkness creeping in and you don’t see a way out, reach out your hand for help. With someone to help you walk the journey you can make it through alive. There are people waiting to talk to you. There are people who care about you and know that your life has value even if you do not see it right now. I believe in the power of HOPE in healing. All it takes is one spark of light to cut through the darkness. Believe in it

HELP IS ALWAYS READILY AVAILABLE 1-800-HOPELINE

My faith and my faith community have played a huge part in my redemption story. They helped me to see the HOPE that was there for my life, and my story. I know that I still walk through trials and sometimes they are overwhelming but I have people there who love me and will help me walk through it. I also have hope that this pain is not forever… “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” Rev 21:4

This song speaks to my heart and I hope it speaks to yours as well.

Psalm 34:18 the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

A decade of pain.

Posted by Hope Rising on May 10, 2011
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When you look at the span of a lifetime, ten years barely seems like a blip on the radar…but when your lifetime only spans the course of two decades, ten years seems like an eternity, and it has. Ten years ago was when my battle with depression, anxiety, self injury and suicidal thoughts began. I was 13 years old, but I somehow knew I was different, I knew I faced different things that my peers did, and somehow I knew no one around me would understand. And they didn’t. For the majority of that ten year period, I kept the truth about myself hidden. I didn’t seek help. I covered up my arms, put a smile on my face and pretended as if life was the best thing going for me. In the latter part of that ten year period, I found help and hope. I found help in the form of therapists, of mentors, and in the healing of speaking to others who have faced the same struggles. I found hope in the love of friends and pastors who constantly spoke life into my situation. These were people who constantly reminded me of the purpose God has in my life, who showered me with love in the darkest of times, and who spoke healing into my heart and mind and gave me hope that one day it will all truly be in the past.

But even though I had these amazing people surrounding me, struggles still came way and I let them destroy me. I had never learned how to let anyone in during the storm; I would share my story once the storm had passed. I didn’t know how to truly turn my pain and heartache over to God, and so I let those feelings consume me and lead me back into the pit and back into addiction. The past year and a half has been full some of the most painful moments of my life so far. I have never felt so heartbroken, angry, betrayed and weak in my life. (The time has not come to share that part of my story yet; I know God has a purpose and a plan for it, but that time is not now.) I allowed brokenness to creep back into my life because I wasn’t standing on the promises of God. I allowed the situation to control me and my feelings to the point where I didn’t speak about anything for an entire year. I allowed those feelings to grow and consume me rather than addressing them, praying to God about them, and leaning into the same support system I always had. I hid the lines on my wrists like it was second nature; I wiped away the tears before anyone could see. But as much as I tried to prevent it, I eventually broke. I sunk into the pit further than I had been, and everyone could see. With no where else to turn, I finally turned to God. I thank God that He never turns His back on me. I am still in the process of restoration, there are many areas of my life that I have to lend over to God so that He can fix them, but I believe that restoration is coming for such a time as this.

I recently turned 24 years old which is normally not considered one of those major milestones in life. But, in my life, it is a huge milestone for me. First and foremost, I never even thought I would make it to 18 the way my life was going in the earlier years, but here comes 24 and I know a lot of great things are coming with it. I am no longer part of that decade of pain. This is the 11th year of my journey, and it is said that 11 is the number that represents over abundance. I truly believe that and call it into action in my life. I have already seen things changing in these first few months, and I am excited for what is in store for the future. I don’t believe that the things I feel and dream about are so far off anymore, I believe they are within my grasp. I believe that 2011 can be the year where I truly prosper in every area of my life.

What does this year mean for you? What are your goals for the next six months? What do you HOPE for?

The Journey is the Destination

Posted by Hope Rising on May 5, 2011
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As anyone who knows me well enough knows… I have a slight obsession with TOMS shoes. I love them because they are comfortable, stylish, and they are doing an amazing job of helping the world one pair of shoes at a time. I constantly find my self shopping their site on the hunt for a new pair. Chalk it up to a serious shopping problem, or my innate need to help the world…you choose. J

And as I was browsing their site I came across this shoe… (Journey is the Destination)

And I fell in love… There is something so powerful about that message to me. Sometimes we get so caught up with where we should be, where we need to be and where we are not…that we forget to appreciate the Journey along the way. We keep our eyes fixed on the “finish line” but don’t see all the lessons we could be soaking in along the way. We have tunnel vision and forget to recognize the people that are right there walking along side us. I know I have made this mistake many times. I am focused on where I should be and where I am not, but I don’t even bother to turn around and see how far I have come. I need to understand that I am not perfect, and I will never be perfect on this Earth. But each time that I fall and I do not allow my self to turn around and run back into the hole… I am making progress. I will stumble and I will fall. But I am not a failure. Even if I don’t make it to where I think I should be, I have made it somewhere and that should be worth something to me. This doesn’t mean I will stop “going for the gold” and give up altogether. Defeat is no longer in my vocabulary. I am determined to continue to fight the good fight because I know there is something greater for me out there I am learning to appreciate this journey that I am on even more. I accept it fully with all the triumphant victories and even the devastating mistakes.

I am starting a new journey in my life in so many ways. The last two years have been difficult and have tried and tested me but they did not take me down because I am still standing. When people look at me who know what I have been through they tell me I am strong. But I know better, The ONE i am holding onto is bigger than all my heartache and bigger than all my mistakes and my failures. God has brought me through this trial and I know He is taking me on a greater journey than I imagined before. I am excited for this journey ahead of me. In a few days I will turn 24, and I am beginning this new year of life doing something that truly matters to me: The Out of The Darkness Overnight. I am nervous, excited, somber, moved and hopeful all at the same time. I am ready for the journey ahead of me, whatever life throws at me.