It has been quiet around here over the last couple of months. I want to say that is because I am out living a marvelous life, and haven’t gotten the chance to sit down and write. Because that is mostly true, the last few months have been so full of travel and experiences and catching up with the ones I love, and making new memories and forging new friendships. But when the dust settles, and I come back home, there are still many things that weigh heavy in my life at the moment and it has been draining.
Things with my father have been stable for a while, but I still know that a tough road lies ahead and I am trying to mentally and physically prepare myself for what is to come. I am not even sure if I have divulged what has been going on in that area, but writing about it is just too hard. So I am trying my very best to maintain a positive outlook. He has comes o far in this journey, we all have so I am believing in the better things.
Along with worrying about my father’s health issues, I have come into some of my own. I am anxious to finally get some answers, and possibly some relief if I can put a name to whatever it is that has been ailing me. But in this trial I will not choose fear. Whatever the doctors say, I know that it will not be the end of me. I am a fighter, I have warriors blood. So I am just waiting on answers but it will not stop me from living my life to the fullest.
This month I am beginning my final real semester of school, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t scare the daylights out of me. This is now the time where I have to prove myself, if passion and personal experience are going to mold together with everything I have learned and I am finally going to see my dreams come to fruition. But I think it’s a good thing that I am scared, because it means I don’t take this path lightly. It means I care, right deep down to the core of me. I know that I actually have people’s lives entrusted into my hands. My words have the power of life and death for someone who is in such a dark place. And I will never lose sight of that. I will never forget the immensity of the work I set out to do.
I have been sitting in the silence alot lately. Taking myself away from the crowds and the hum of the city and to the water’s edge. To think and plan my next steps. To decide what I want this life to really look like, not to only talk about it, but to go out and make things happen. There is alot that I would like to change in the next few years, so I have to start now. I am finally in a healthy enough place to make the plans and make the changes, and even though that terrifies me..it is an exciting feeling.