Writing has always been an outlet for me, a place where words unspoken can come to life on a page, and set my soul free. In my writing, I release the hurts I can’t share with anyone else. I share the memories that have been guarded in the vault of my heart. I share the desires that are crying out from deep within. Sometimes I fear the things I write are so fragile, that if i speak them, they will no longer exist. But the truth of the matter is that God promises me something different. He promises that if I would come humbly before His throne, if I would lay my heart before Him…he would grant me the desires of my heart according to His Will. I know His word, I know the plans He has for me, and I know He will listen to my heart-cry.
So what do I yearn for when I lay my head down each night?What do the silent tears that stream down my face scream out for? Happiness, peace, love, respect. It does not seem like much. But life would have me believe that these things aren’t meant for me. But my God tells me differently. Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prospers you, not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future.
My future is in God’s hands. I believe that not only Happiness, but Joy will overflow in my life and give me the strength to face the difficulties ahead. I believe that all things happen for a reason and I also believe that: All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord.(Romans 8:28) I take my trials as a chance to learn lessons, not to look back in vain. It has taken me being broken down by people’s words and actions to finally realize that I deserve better than what I have been given.
And so I write through the pain. I write to remind myself that the story isn’t over yet. I write to remember that one failure doesn’t determine the end result. I write to continue to remind myself that God is still working in my situation.
For 3 years, I walked a road reeling from the emotional, spiritual, and physical consequences of someone else’s actions. I could have let it destroy me completely…and at times.. it almost did. But I am still here today. Still recovering…and still moving forward because I have embraced God’s love in my life. So I will continue write, I will continue to have HOPE, and I will continue to be brave with my story, so that others can be brave with theirs.
My life didn’t end with infidelity and divorce. It was just a stepping stone that God is using to take me into the story that He is writing for me. My Hope lies in Him. I trust in Him. and i give my heart to Him…so that it will never be broken again.