It could not be extinguished

The life force that burned like a wildfire deep within me.

Heart beating within my chest 
Pumping Hope through my veins.

Urging me to just hold on,

Not to give up

Not to give in

To the fear, hurt, doubt and disappointment that was trying to drown me alive.

Life saving words floating from the mouths of strangers and those I love.

A chorus of  “You are worth living. I love you. Please don’t give up.”

Since I was 18 years old there has been one word that has been spoken over my life

Time after time after time:

Purpose.

And even on the nights when I wanted to bleed my sorrows out on bathroom floors

When the thoughts in my head screamed hate and disappointment.

The steady beating of my heart would not let me forget:

You were born for more than this.

This life you have been given is for a reason.

There are others out there who need you to help them.

Your heart, though it may be broken, was created to help carry the burdens of others.

Your hands, though they  hold a razor right now, will one day help to bring healing to another.

Your eyes,though they are filled with tears, will one day look into the eyes of another and remind them how deeply they are loved.

And one day, on the brink of giving it all up.

I chose to embrace this word called Purpose.

I chose to believe.

Chose to believe that I did not suffer in silence.

Chose to believe that I was not alone.

Chose to believe that this was all for a reason.

And so I kept living.

I kept fighting for my better tomorrow.

I kept choosing life even when it was difficult to do so.

I chose to put the razor down, throw the pills into the garbage

And survived on words of Hope instead.

600 days of choosing life.

And this life is vastly different than the one I left behind.

Purpose is coming to fruition.