As christians we know that life isn’t easy, we know that in our day to day lives we will face troubles. And we know that sometimes storms can roll into our lives that have the ability to knock us off our feet. We don’t know when they will come or how they will come but we know THEY will come. But would would happen, if we could see these storms before they landed? How would we react? Would we run away leaving behind family friends and everything that matters to us, or would we stay and prepare ourselves, fortify our homes and ride the storm out?
Personally, each time a storm entered my life I ran away, as far as I could. I left behind a family in Christ that was praying for me,crying for me and hoping I would trust in God. I ran away from God, and ran back to old friends, old attitudes and old comforts. I didn’t trust God enough to believe that He could bring me out of whatever situation I was in. I believed that He would alllow these situations to destroy me rather than make me stronger. I allowed heartache and heartbreak to cause me to forget the LOVE,MERCY,and GRACE God had shown me so many times before. I looked for other things to fill the void that man had left in my heart instead of allowing God to fill that void once and for all.
Two years ago a storm entered my life, and it almost destroyed me. Instead of standing my ground and allowing God to work in my life, I thought I could do better on my own. And I ran away, as I always had. I ran back to old thoughts, old habits, & old comforts. I let depression take hold of my life and I allowed other people to control the condition of my heart. I allowed situations to make me question my worth and I allowed others to make me feel as if everything that was going on around me was my fault. I internalized everything and almost let it destroy me. I opened doors in my life that had already been closed.
I began cutting again after years of freedom.
I struggled for over a year and a half, until I finally allowed myself to be broken in His presence and finally left the situation at the altar. He had been calling me for so long to trust in Him and just leave it in His hands. I finally trusted that this situation was happening for a reason: not to destroy me, but to make me stronger, and to teach me to seek him in the midst of the trials. He sent people who did not know about me or my situation to encourage me and to remind me to seek Him no matter what, and I have. My heart, my thoughts and my emotions all belong to God. I am made whole in Him, not by anyone else. My worth depends on who God says I am & how he sees me. I am precious and loved by Him and He is everything to me.
And even though things are happening to me and around me, I trust God in the midst of it all. For 5 months I have been standing on My Rock, I have officially put my past behind me, I have closed all doors that were opened in my pain and I trust God above everything and anything in my life. And I know that no matter what happens, I will not be destroyed because I belong to Him.
Phil 4:7 And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.